Washington D.C. – Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA) officials released a statement saying that all of the intelligence that has driven operations over the last 17 years is gleaned from a single Intelligence Information Report (IIR).
“We were in a really big hurry to kill people in the Middle East, so our analysts created a few Intelligence Summaries out of a single IIR, and it kind of grew from there” stated DIA spokesperson Aldrich James. “We didn’t realize the entire intelligence community was copying and pasting each other’s reports for almost two decades until we started doing an audit on our database. We came to the conclusion that a single report, about a military aged male driving a hilux truck with a potentially nefarious cargo, was responsible for every report and operation the DOD has conducted during the Global War on Terror. It was kind of a ‘whoopsie’ moment for us.”
Efforts are currently underway to change collection and analysis courses across the DOD to emphasize the need for current, actionable intelligence. The DIA said these changes would go into effect by 2023.