Confederate Names to be Removed From Bases

Washington – As a growing chorus of protesters raise their objections to Federal Military Installations being named after Confederate Generals and commanders, the Department of Defense has been forced to acknowledge that a problem exists with their bases being named after men who betrayed their country and attempted to overthrow the union so long ago. “We know it’s a bad look,” stated COL John Tuckert, the DOD spokesperson. “After racking our brains for what seemed like weeks, we finally came up with an idea we think everyone will be pleased with. We’re going to name every offending installation after someone who’s betrayed our country in the last fifty years. This way, people will be able to relate to the names a little better and maybe leave us alone for a while so we can focus on the busy work we keep ourselves occupied with to justify getting paid everyday.” The work of changing the letterheads and signs, along with the memorabilia the boot privates buy when they get to their first duty station, will go into effect starting this week. Officials are hoping it will help deflect from their inability to keep troops from disappearing at work and safe on base.

Leave a Comment