DOD will remove “front toward enemy” from claymore and “let God sort ’em out”

Pentagon – Department of Defense officials have elected to remove the writing on the M18 Claymore, an anti-personnel weapon utilized by infantry and ground forces. Troops have often been confused by which side faces towards the enemy, so the writing was included so there wouldn’t be any accidents when emplacing the explosive device that expels thousands of tiny ball bearings when initiated. The decision to remove the writing was made in an attempt to “clean up” the force.

“We discussed the education and intelligence level of both our enlisted personnel and officers,” stated MAJ Henry, a spokesperson for the DOD. “The amount of money we would have to invest in education to close the overall intelligence gap amongst all of our branches is staggering; something in the tens of billions. By simply removing three words from the claymore, we won’t have to spend a dime. We can knock out two birds with one stone by ensuring more range time for our Marine Corps and Army personnel, while also letting nature run its course, so to say.”

Though efficient, the ethical decision to increase attrition rates through a sort of “natural selection” sounds barbaric when first proposed. However, as we visit the many Army Posts and Marine Corps Camps across the nation and get to know the troops, the plan seems to make perfect sense. The Navy said they won’t implement similar measures with their ordnance because “our toxic leadership, while all of these Sailors are packed onto these boats together, seems to be getting the job done for us just fine.”

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