In a show of goodwill, the Taliban declare they “probably won’t violently execute” those who supported Afghan Democratic Government

Kabul, AF – Upon learning that President Trump declared all US forces would be gone from Afghanistan by the end of 2020, Taliban spokeman Hasheef Muhbals eagerly met with a small contingent of reporters to offer his excitement on behalf of the Taliban.

“The news from the infidel’s leader today is very exciting” Muhbals stated. “Allah has seen fit to finally eject these invaders from our land. To show our goodwill, our leaders have stated they probably won’t violently execute those who supported democracy in Afghanistan.”

Our reporter was skeptical of this promise due to the amount of laughter that arose from the Taliban delegation during the press conference. Hasheef went on to discuss the ensuing celebrations that would kick off, hosting an odd assortment of boys and livestock, though we were unclear on the connection between the two elements.

This is a developing story and we’ll update as more information is released.

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