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Pentagon – Marine Corps and National Guard leadership announced a new partnership today that will create an exchange program between the two service components. Marines will be attached to the National Guard to receive much needed combat training since they’ve done nothing in a decade and serve no purpose, and Soldiers in the Guard will be attached to the Marine Corps so they can acquire discipline and learn to not be fat and gross.

“We’re looking forward to having Marines within our ranks” stated LTC Todd Shepley, spokesperson for the Guard Bureau in Washington D.C. “Marines have a long and storied history. Getting into the thick of it with all of these riots and demonstrations our troops have responded to over the last year will give them the combat training they desperately need and give them a purpose beyond shuttling back and forth to Japan.”

The Marine Corps responded to our request for a statement by saying “we don’t want their nasty fat bodies in our ranks. This is a one way exchange. ‘Rah”

Though enthusiasm for the exchange appears to be one sided, Marines are said to be “excited” to get a stateside kill and look forward to the reduced standards of the National Guard.

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