Camp Lejeune, NC – A Marine, Lance Corporal Larry Squalls, was discovered disguised as an F35 Lightning II, the most advanced jet in the US Military’s arsenal. After having lived what he described as “the good life” for a little over three months, he was finally discovered when crews attempted to do routine maintenance on him and saw his face peaking out of the cockpit. “We were a little unsure of why the dimensions of the aircraft seemed so much smaller, but I don’t think anyone cared enough to actually speak up,” one of the maintainers stated. LCpl Squalls, in custody yet donning a huge grin on his face, said, “worth it. I was so tired of being treated like human waste and being fed food unfit for a garbage dump, that I pretended I was an F35 to get out of the barracks. I mean, people are marrying hookers to get out of the barracks, so I figured this wasn’t quite as bad as that. Instantly, my status around here went from mop boy to king of the castle. Have you seen how much money the government dumps into wasteful military programs, all while denying its troops the basic necessities given to a convicted criminal? What I did was just logical. I’m surprised I’m the first, but I hope to join some of the more famous Lance Coolies and finally place my skates up on the mantle of fame.” Indeed, LCpl Squalls will go down as having the sharpest skates of them all after this incident.
I'm a Chief Warrant Officer in the United States Army. I've spent two decades on active duty. I started this site as a way to share my thoughts as well as provide some humor.